Thursday, June 28, 2007

Worst day ever, week actually...

Monday I had my 10 week appointment. First time actually meeting doc, and I brought my 4 year old w/ as she is so excited about being big sister.

Doc started in on all the tests recommended for my age (35 next week) and started going over the different ones. I interrupted and asked if I was pregnant as I am just not feeing it. No morning sickness, no heartburn, nothing really. She did a vaginal ultrasound and suspected a miscarriage if my dates were correct. My dates are absolutely correct. She then ordered a level 2 ultrasound at a different location and I was to go there Tuesday. Sent me off to get some bloodwork to check my levels.

My husband missed work and we went Tuesday morning. At first the u/s tech gave me some hope when she said the sac only measures at 7 weeks, and to come back next week. I said my doc is suspecting a miscarriage and I really can't wait. I asked if it was possible that the sac just stopped growing as by my dates I should be at 10 weeks. She couldn't answer of course as she is not a doc. She then did vaginal u/s and was measuring something in sac, but I couldn't really see anything and could not see anything at all on docs original vaginal u/s. The tech was then very quiet and didn't say anything. She left for about 10 minutes, came back and said the doc will get w/ me w/ results. Didn't sound too encouraging.

Wednesday morning had to get 2nd round of bloodwork to see if my hcg levels increased like they needed to or decreased indicating miscarriage. They had decreased and the doc called me w/ the news. I went ahead and scheduled D/C for Thursday morning. That night I freaked out w/ 2nd thoughts, and called the on call nurses throuhg docs office. The sweet nurse assured me I didn't have to do it, but based on all the results she knows the doc would not suggest this w/o going over everything very carefully and would order more testing if she thought there was any chance.

Thursday morning, we head to the hospital and talk to the doc again. Told her about my freakout and she said I could definitely wait if I wanted to but w/ the declining numbers and the lab u/s it is a miscarriage as the lab u/s showed fetal demise at 6 weeks. I went ahead w/ procedure and am feeling ok, physically that is.

I have never been thru this before and it is awful. I had such an easy, wonderful pregnancy w/ my dd who is 4, I just assumed this one would be too.

The doc says I can try again immediately after getting a period, and I will. I am defintely not telling people until after the 1st trimester if there is a next time. Other than the miscarriage itself, this has been the hardest pert, telling all my close friends and family about this.

My stepson that lives w/ us knows about it, he is 13. Haven't decided how or even if we are going to tell dd. She is only 4, and as long as I get pregnant right away, she won't know the difference in 9 months or 12 months really. I don't know though. My husband doesn't want to tell her at all, thinks she is too young and doesn't need to know. Any thoughts or personal expreiences on this?